Previously, on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Guys, we haven't been down this way.
And you enter where there's a placid pond, a human male wearing yellow silk robe stands
in the pagoda, and an iron tea kettle rises up from beneath the embers.
The kettle resembles a scowling face with thick features.
He bows to the kettle and appears to show great reverence to the vessel, then lowers
his head in meditation.
The steam begins to rise, walls of stone enclose the pagoda, and Thaddeus looks at the tea
leaves and he says, this is Drake's wort, and it is potentially lethal.
Then I am going to use my spear to try to like, get it out.
Donnie pees on that kettle that has the face of the Dao on it.
Now there's more pee vapor and there's still poison in the air.
I am going to take my bedroll, douse it with water, throw it on top of the pee cover kettle.
Our problem-solving skills are amazing.
You heave down with this huge axe and it cracks open.
The walls immediately drop with a huge, and up from the ground rises a huge stone
Dao.
I think that I saw that there was a spot, you know, a weakening.
We take a running start at this and we'll say it sees you coming and begins to swing
its maul, but you slide underneath and just jab in with your sword and then it looks
down at you with a deep, hurt scowl and then explodes.
You begin walking down the pathway and you enter back into the sundial room.
Holy fuck, we're going to be in here forever.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, we're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast
and I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More, and with me today is the person who almost
died last week, Amy More.
Yes, I'm the wife of the Dungeon Master.
I'm Amy More.
I almost died.
Good Lord.
I'm not that hard on you.
I didn't say you were.
Guilty conscience coming out right there, Russ.
She was just stating a fact, Russ.
Geez.
Wow, yeah.
Are you feeling a little bad about last week's endeavors?
Also with me today, other bruses that are just talking, Carla Johnson.
Hey, I play Nulara Moonbrook.
I play Thea Anastasia.
Didn't get that.
And Tom Laird.
I can't get over the dignities that Amy is suffering right now.
I tell you what, I play a Flynn Firebeard.
Wow.
Did you hear me?
He he he.
Oh, God, it's not going to go well.
This is this is awful.
I'm so funny.
Just to recap, still in the death maze.
Stuck in a death.
This is the forever.
We're changing the name of the podcast to be called Stuck in a Maze.
So it will go on as long as these people survive.
Which won't be much longer.
The inevitable rise of the death means
the maybe rise of TMS.
We don't know. We missed it.
We were stuck in.
We're in the death maze.
You thought TMS was the big bad, but that was just the smoking gun.
This is the real big bad.
Makes a lot of sense.
What do you mean the red herring?
No smoking guns fair.
Both are the same.
Yeah.
Are they both the same metaphor?
I've been using smoking gun incorrectly, I do believe.
Well, I don't think they're exactly the same metaphor, but I think it works.
You see, you know what?
Why are you defending him?
Yeah. You know what?
I take it back, Russ. You're wrong.
You're wrong. And Amy's right.
If you want to support, if you want to support me,
visit Patreon dot com slash dumb dragon cast.
Make a pledge. Who knows?
If you want to support them, visit Patreon dot com.
But like, be really specific with where your dollars are going,
because I don't think Russ is totally earning them.
When you sign up, you can put a little note to say who you're supporting,
and then that will make sure that that money gets allocated to me.
So. Wow, Russ is sassy tonight.
Super sassy. I like it.
It's pretty funny until we all die.
It all goes into the giant world of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Parker, guys, let's play D&D.
Let's do it.
We got to solve some more problems in in death town.
Fucking bizarro ways.
Guys, I have I have like
we need to get four precious stones and or other sort of gem like materials.
In this episode.
Yes. Yeah, we've been taking too long.
I have a goal.
I have a goal in mind.
OK, all right.
So previously you were being just one of you was being just brutally mauled
by a day out, which is by a mall stone elemental by his mall.
Yeah. And then you made it back to the sundial room
where the sundial positions didn't appear to have changed.
Which is fine.
Doesn't even matter.
And then flame because it was like, we're fucking going to die in here.
Yeah, maybe odds are.
Let's go that way.
And I point to what we out of game know is G.
Yeah, we haven't been down that way yet.
Let's yeah.
Let's just keep somebody has a better idea.
Let's just we'll just go that way.
You know, there are no better ideas.
Wait, before we do that, Donnie needs to take a potion.
Yeah, it's going to need to heal up.
Oh, I don't know.
I think I'm good.
I didn't really get hit by that big stone guy.
Yeah, I'm fine. I opened the door.
OK, you guys, I get it.
However, we could it was targeting the weakest.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm feeling really attacked right now.
I don't know if you know this, but I lost my best friend up
in yonder sky portal.
Don't worry.
We're just going to get out of this place, right?
I kick her in the shin a little bit.
Oh, she bites you.
Ah, I punch her in the face.
You take one point of damage.
I punch you in the face.
You take four damage.
No, I take one because the punch only gives one.
Do any of you guys have the stats for rare rare healing potion?
They're just scrapping on.
I'm just talking it.
Yeah, hang on.
I'll have it here somewhere.
Eight D four plus eight hit points is which one rare or for the rare.
What about uncommon?
Uncommon is forty four plus four.
OK, that's probably more in line with what he needs.
Motherfucker. Oh, God.
Leave it off.
They start smacking her nose with a rolled up scroll.
No, shit.
He's got some nice background stuff going on here.
It's good. I'll just drop it down real low as Carla's doing math.
Perfect. Donnie's feeling better.
Let's go that fucking way.
All right.
You start heading down in in the in the direction that you said,
which is we know out of game is G and you travel forward.
This one seems like a very short time.
It's only like 12 seconds.
And you come out into a new area.
Thank God.
Although in like where there are.
Sorry, go ahead. No, it's fine.
They've all been new areas, though, except for that one area
we keep seeing over and over again.
Yeah, it's true.
I know. I thought I was trying to create a little element of wonder.
I was I was excited because it was all wondrous sundial room again.
Then I was just going to storm in another direction.
So it's fine.
New area. What's there? Tell us, Russ.
20 sundials.
Six suits of ornate plate mail stand in this area as if on guard.
They appear to be battered and bashed pieces of armor
and weapons are scattered across the carpeted floor before them.
Moss and lichen covers the armors, though it remains free from rust.
Another pathway magically opens at the far side of this area.
What kind of ornate ness do I see on the
on the suits of armor?
Are they covered in gems?
Is it like in like carving?
It's it's it's more like just very well, like royalty or nice.
Just like elaborate metal smith work.
Yeah, elaborately done.
Not not they're not ruby five.
No, no, it doesn't appear to be that way.
Guys, I think it's going to be totally easy to get from this end
to the other end. No, it's really Riley.
Yeah, it's all good.
What weapons are they holding?
There are weapons scattered in front of them,
but there aren't holding any weapons.
OK, definitely doesn't look like they've defeated a whole bunch of people.
So no problem. I say we just walk on by.
This is a mall, right?
Now, mall is a hammer.
Oh, this is a splitting mall.
That is an X. It's a splitting mall.
Well, it has a mall on the.
So the hammer and would be the mall, but I'm just.
I'd like to have a good visual,
especially if something that's like beating me to a bloody pulp.
Yeah, no, a mall is just like a war hammer.
Yeah, it's a big old hammer.
Shall we walk on?
Yeah, I think we should like,
yeah, just confidently stroll through this room.
Agreed. Everyone get their strut on.
They get your strut. Oh, Russ,
if you could put that Bee Gees song in the in the background here,
that'd be great.
But the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man.
No time to talk.
So what order are you going in?
I'm first. I'm second.
I'm last.
Flint, as you get about 10 feet into this room,
Nularaaaa, as you get about five feet into this room,
the first two suits of armor to your left and right spring to action
and strike out before us. Oh.
So not what I said.
I like Tom's version better. Me too.
Both strike out at you.
Both strike out.
They miss. It's a swing and a miss.
Oh, that's too bad for them.
The one that hits. Badda badda badda badda badda.
The one that strikes out at you, Flint, is a 17 and 11.
I don't think.
Nope. Nularaaaa.
However, that's an 11 and a nine.
So those both don't hit either.
I feel like they just turned to them and went, no, no.
Because of these two suits of armor
raise their hands and just stumble past you,
but are now engaged in combat. Roll for initiative. I will.
I will.
An eight. I think that's what I got last time.
Oh, 21.
I got a 26.
So two armors.
The other four stand at attention and turn towards you.
Nularaaaa, you're up. Great.
You got like a initiative.
Tom, you're Russia.
OK, it's time to collude.
I got a 22.
You're going for the one that struck it struck out at you.
Yeah, I am. You betcha.
We'll call him number two.
Yeah, yeah, we will.
Who does number two work for?
Is that what you screened me?
I got a 19 damage. 19.
Oh, yeah.
You crunch in the armor and it leaves a huge dent.
But it's it's rights itself as it as you strike it.
Well, I'm going to hit him again.
Maybe. Yep. 22 again.
Yep. 19.
Is that all just exactly what just happened? Yes.
But I'll take it again.
19 damage again.
Your first strike leaves a huge dent in his armor.
The second strike, the armor explodes and falls to the ground.
Yay. Donny's up.
See, at the back of the line is just like, whoa.
Want to know an amazing fact about Donny that I forgot last time we played?
Sure. He has two attacks now.
Yay.
Whoops. It's fine.
OK, he is going to see if his weapon recharges.
He rolled a four. Is this episode called whoops?
It's fine. Yeah.
So he doesn't recharge.
He doesn't have a breath weapon.
It's fine.
He is going to bite.
That is a 20.
Now, is he going for the one that attacked Flint
or is he going deeper into the room to attack one of the other ones?
Probably the one that attacked Flint, because it'll be the next closest one, right?
OK, that is a 16.
No, 14 damage.
He did some real damage now. OK.
And then since he's got his bite on, crunching down on the armor,
he'll bite again.
That is also a 20.
What's going on?
I mean, I like the roll, so I'm happy they keep repeating.
But it's weird.
Oh, well, that's only six damage.
OK, when I bite something, when I'm a creature,
it like makes them grappled.
Does it not do the same thing for Donnie?
Well, I don't think so.
No, it's a specific type of animal.
I thought it's because you're doing like gators.
You were doing like wolf to my wolf bite.
I guess dogs and gators just don't let go.
Flint, you're up.
That is their most well-known trait.
My tattoo says dogs and gators don't let go.
That's what it says.
New podcast about Carla's secret tattoo.
All right. Yeah, I swing at the one that Donnie's been chomping on.
Well, he's distracted by Donnie chomping on him.
And lay into him with my axe.
And that is a 19 for the first attack that strikes it.
And that is five and seven, so 12 damage.
So Donnie comes in and just like chomping down on this armor.
And then you swing through and explode armor.
And it clangs off the wall.
Excellent. Now, you said there was several more suits of armor.
There are four more in the room.
So it's like, you know, two were right beside you.
Two more and then two more.
So they have turned and are facing you.
They didn't start moving.
So six in total. Four now are undamaged.
Yeah. OK.
Did any gems fly out of those exploding suits of armor?
You saw no such gems flying out of those exploding suits of armor.
I thought it was worth a shot.
Yeah, that was thinking about it.
I how far away are these other suits of armor?
That is a good question.
How big is this room?
The the room itself, 60 feet long. OK.
The next set, we're going to say that you were 10 feet.
So the next set isn't.
Oh, I did that wrong.
So that's fine.
Well, let's say they're 20 feet away from you
and then another 20 feet to the back.
OK, I'm going to I'm going to stroll on over to the set of armor
to the left of me.
Just like this.
And, yep, just like doing my strut, continuing on with my strut walk.
It's been successful for us so far.
So I think it's a good strategy.
I think confidence makes the rolls better. I think so, too.
Does this suit of armor look like it's going to attack me
as I get closer to it?
Yeah, it's like it's readying itself.
OK, I in that case, because I was going to give it a high five
if it was going to be cool.
But since it doesn't look like it's going to be cool.
If you're going to try it, you can always see.
Don't. Roll for high five.
Yeah, but you're going to be that DM that makes me roll for things
and then it like rips my arm off.
Roll for high five.
Come on, just roll for high five.
Don't do it.
It's always a bad sign when his voice goes higher pitched.
It totally is what I already rolled.
It's a 17.
So you strolling up and you reach for a high five
and it stops for a second and puts its hand to your hand.
And then lifts its other hand like it's going to come down on you.
But you got another attack there.
OK, yeah, I use your attacks.
Don't use that as an attack.
All right. Well, I wasn't going to.
I was just just wanted to high five the suit armor.
Yes, it seemed cool.
OK, I'm going to
pull my hand back and swing my axe up at the same time
and hit it with a 24.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Oh, yeah.
Like the worst high five ever.
Right. Your coworker comes up like up top.
You go, yeah, message to the groin.
So that's 13 damage on that one.
Terrifying.
And last attack.
Oh, I rolled it off the table.
It's got a dented cod piece now.
Oh, dear God.
That's a 22 to hit. Yeah.
And 12 more damage.
Jeez, Louise.
Cheepers, creepers.
Exploding. Holy moly.
Gee, willikers.
And it had you don't know how, but it has a sad armor face.
Like it was like ready to almost be your friend because of this high five.
But you it explodes and falls to the ground.
Well, if it hadn't maybe gone to hit him after.
I mean, if it hadn't made an aggressive move.
Exactly. It's true. It's a scorpion.
He's like, I'm sorry.
It was in my nature. And then it crumbled.
So those armors are dead.
And frogs don't look back.
No, that's what my other tattoo says that Thaddeus's turn.
You have very strange animal sayings.
No, those are common sayings, right?
They're pretty common. Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, absolutely.
I've definitely seen a motivational poster with those on them before.
So be like the frog.
Don't look back.
Yeah. Carla's hang in there.
Kitty tattoo is a little underwhelming, though, in comparison.
Yeah, it's true.
Also, super inappropriate.
Thaddeus is. Oh, totes and approves. Yeah.
Thaddeus.
Oh, no. I'm going to play Thaddeus myself.
Fuck y'all.
Oh, angry old man Russ is here.
So, Tom, are you going to play Thaddeus?
I'm looking at his spells.
Hold on. Jeez.
You just had like a real far off look on your face.
We were all like.
Every time I say Thaddeus, it's just like this dead look in Tom's eyes.
I had to. I had to give up Flamy Kins.
I couldn't do it.
Yeah. OK.
He's going to pull out his late crossbow
because I don't really see any spells and he's running low on spells.
So he's going to let this crossbow fly at the at the one on the right
in the middle of the room or towards the back of the room.
Let's go middle of the room.
OK. And his attack is plus six.
So that's a 17 to hit to hit.
Glances off the armor and doesn't appear to do any damage.
Well, Balder dash.
Mm hmm.
Then it's armor.
That guy's dead armor, the one that just got shot at by Thaddeus,
and he springs into action.
But you guys are all very far away.
No, he can get to Flint.
He's going to run again.
It's going to run towards Flint swinging his arms in the air
like he just don't care for an 11 and a 21 like Bart and Lisa
in that episode of The Simpsons where they're just like, yeah,
I'm going to swing my arms like this.
And if you get in the way, it's not my fault. Exactly.
Oh, yeah. The 21 will hit with arm attack, I guess.
Yeah, it's a slam attack.
Windmill slam a jammer.
So that's a jammer.
Five bludgeoning damage,
which I will subtract three from to take two bludgeoning damage.
All right.
Because somebody told me to remember to use my armor perk.
I give you guys shit.
You might as well fucking use it.
Exactly. Exactly.
All right. Well, which I, to be honest, I thought I had been.
Yeah. It's like every other time.
OK. All right. Hey, that's better than it was before.
Like once in an episode, you'll use it.
And then like, why didn't you use it again on that next attack?
Theory just into her pouch and and throws up some diamond dust
and like walks through it like Phoebe Pouffe style with sashayed
right through that. I did.
And I give myself a big hug
and I say, no, it'll hurt you anymore.
And I cast stone skin on myself.
So for one hour, my skin is as hard as stone
and I have resistance to non-magical bludgeoning, piercing
and slashing, slashing damage.
Slashing damage.
All right. For one hour.
For one hour concentration.
So if you do another concentration spell.
It's abjuration, you doink.
It's concentration.
Abjuration is the school.
Concentration is what you fucking.
School of magic concentration school. Fuck.
You doink.
Who the fuck knows how to play D&D here?
I'm sorry that I reacted so extremely.
I'm sorry. That was wrong of me.
Yeah. That's the rum talking.
I apologize.
I mean, is it though? Is it the rum?
No, it's just truth coming out.
It's truth serum is what it is.
I mean, Russ is a pretty big doink.
Just casting zone of truth on myself.
All right. So you're stone skinned.
Yeah, I am.
Do you walk into the room or are you just standing by the door?
What are you doing? I walk into the room.
Right. You're sashaying.
Yeah, she's got it.
I go up to the like.
I'm not. Yeah, if I'm at the beginning,
I haven't quite reached the middle one.
The closest action, which is what Flint's engaged in right now,
is 40 feet away from. Yeah, I'll go 30 feet.
I'll stay 10, 10 feet away from the action.
All right. All right.
The two at the back of the room see you sashay into the room.
One of them comes towards you.
The other strikes out at Flint.
So the first one is the one that's just watching me sashay
goes to strike Flint for eight and a 13.
Neither of those are going to work.
How about Thea? Can we hit Thea?
No, these are bad rolls.
The one plus Thea would be too far away, I think.
She she's 10 feet.
So 10, 20.
Oh, yeah, I guess if they have 30 feet, they'd be in range.
Yeah. Yeah, that's a 13, 13 max up.
Fuck. They just they come over and they're like, what's up?
High five. Did they reach for the high five?
One one.
He he's intent.
He's swinging to hit you.
But it kind of looks like a high five because he missed.
OK. All right. OK.
Yeah. Flaming Kins.
Oh, I'm just by the room opening.
I'm going to shoot my light crossbow at the one
that's attacking my friend, Thea.
Oh, yeah. Fuck, yeah, bud.
Now, break it down for the course 18.
I'm on Twitter.
Anyone else's DM, a donk?
I'm so glad you've learned how to use social media.
I can social media.
I'm just I'm just going to go on to Twitter and and like that right now.
Stuff. Hang on.
Just going to go like that.
It's going to go look at stuff.
You know, it's
three piercing damage to that one that's attacking for you.
Should I go on Twitter and make my first tweet since 2015?
Carly, I think you might have to.
You were going to have so many fucking notifications
because I tag you the most because I know you're not going to respond.
Yeah, we're back to new Laura.
Top of the round.
So you are so you are
20 feet from the one that the ones that Flint is engaged
in combat with and also about 20 feet from the one that Thea
is engaged in conflict.
Is there two on Flint?
Two on Flint, one on Thea.
A flop flop flop.
Does stone skin give her like does she look like stone now?
Can I tell?
Oh, yeah.
How does everybody else respond to stone that she's never cast?
It's new. I like it.
I just want to know if I can.
I shoot her a thumbs up because if I can't see it, I'll come to protect her
because I don't know she's got stone skin now as she struts by you.
You kind of give her the look.
And she's like she looks like stone and some pebble and sand.
Okay. Yeah.
Maybe it's Maybelline.
I brushed my shoulder for those of you who obviously can't see us
because it's an audio media brush my shoulders.
We're on YouTube now.
No, it's still that's still just an audio medium.
We'll figure it out.
Well, we probably will.
We haven't figured out D&D yet.
It's been fucking four years.
Maybe maybe what we'll do is we'll figure out how to do digital shorts.
I really hope that we never figure out D&D.
I like the way we do it.
I like the way we do it, too.
I like it when I go, it's not concentration.
You doink and he's like this fucking concentration.
I like that.
You wouldn't have that if we all knew what was going on.
That's true. Exactly.
How boring would it be if we just played effectively?
I'm looking at I'm looking at the levels from last episode and this episode.
They're much louder in this episode.
Oh, the rum is kicked in.
That is the rum.
OK, I'm going to go where there is two
and attack one of those guys.
Yeah, that's a twenty seven.
Are you attacking?
Neither of them have been hit.
OK, that's fine.
Yeah, twenty seven hit.
OK, ten, sixteen damage.
I'm going to attack him again.
I'm going to miss because I rolled an eleven.
Donnie Donnie is going to try to recharge a yield breath weapon.
It does not work.
He will.
He will come with me and try and bite the guy that I hit.
That is a 19.
Yeah.
So that is six damage.
And then with the second attack, he got a 25.
Which seems impressive, but he only got five damage.
Hey, well, he's he's still like wound up real hard.
You strike and miss and then Donnie comes in for chomp chomp.
And on the second chomp, the armor falls down to the ground.
And there are two armors left.
Sweet. Yeah.
And it's Flint's turn.
Yeah, since I see this one armor drop to the ground,
I'm going to turn my attention to the other one.
Mm hmm. Good strategy.
Right. I see.
I feel like I'm really on the ball today with picking targets to fight.
So, yeah, so that's a 21.
That'll hit.
Guys, I got to say this game is so much more fun
when you have like good attack bonuses just to attack.
As opposed to like a plus two when you start out and like, oh, God.
Anyway, I digress. That's 13 damage.
Yeah. Yeah, that'll take that.
Oh, I rolled way back here. Hang on.
Yeah, that was a good one. 24.
And that's 10 more damage. Mm hmm. Good.
And last but not least.
Oh, that's only a 10.
I'll just put that dice back.
Not using this one anymore.
So your final strike goes wide, but you dent too huge, too huge.
Big swing and miss on the third one, though. Yeah.
Thaddeus is up.
He is going to shoot that crossbow again.
That is a 17 for Thaddeus.
That'll miss.
Yeah. So the one you just took two huge chunks out of swings down
with his gauntleted arms.
18 and a 13.
18 should hit me. Hang on here.
Let me double check. Yes. 18 will hit.
Wait. Yeah.
Three damage, three, three.
Which I subtract three from and take zero damage.
So it's just a kunk.
And I just kind of fLex and it bounces right off me.
One of these.
Does it feel real like its confidence is shaken?
I mean, if it had confidence, it would be shaken, right?
If this fucking inanimate object that came to life
had confidence, it would be shaken.
Yeah, Theo, you're up.
All right. I'm going to Eldritch Blassey's, bitches.
Have access to tons of cool stuff like monthly bonus episodes,
character sheets, naming of NPCs and so much more.
Plus, with our patrons support, we've been able to get our bookings
in for PodCon 2 in Seattle in January.
If you're going to be there, let us know so we can try
and arrange some meetups.
Lots of time to figure that out, though.
But we do hope to see you there.
Check out all the details at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
Thanks to Sirenscape for some of the amazing atmosphere
used in today's episode.
Make sure you check them out at Sirenscape.com
to bring your games to life.
One other quick thing I wanted to mention,
because I haven't recommended many podcasts lately,
but I've just caught up on a new one to me,
The End of Time and Other Bothers.
It's an improvised fantasy role playing game
set in the world of Alba Salix,
where they assure you no animals are harmed.
It's put on by a group of friends, much like ourselves,
who come together every month to co-create a story
in the Alba universe using the Dungeon World
role playing system and Improv to tell their story.
Sean and Eli, the creators of Alba Salix,
have spent a long time building the world,
and it certainly shows in the amazing story and world
that they have going on in their show right now.
So much planning went into it,
but even they don't know how the story is going to unfold.
It's a tale of flightless fairies, half demons
and cafeteria line workers, dystopian empires,
magical waterfalls and mysterious books.
Oh, and The End of Time, that's in there somewhere, too.
I love the show so much and can't wait for their next episode,
which actually I think just released.
So I'm going to have to go make sure I listen to that.
I'll link them in the description,
as well as everything else mentioned today.
The next episode will be out Wednesday, September 12th.
Let's get back to this episode and see if the kings
and queens of SAS can get out of the armor room
and maybe out of the maze.
Who am I kidding?
I won't get your hopes up there.
Have a great week. We'll talk soon.
Maybe.
Oh, yeah, I am 22.
Damn. Yep, that will work.
Yeah. Uh huh.
And it's going to be 3D10.
You're attacking the one that you are.
No, no. Which one? How many are there?
There's two left. There's two.
One is directly attacking.
I'm going to do two blasts at the one that's attacking me
and one blast at the other one. OK.
I don't want your dice.
Yeah, Russ, you're doing it right.
Episode title 52.
You're doing you're doing 10, 16, 21.
So which is going to which?
Because you just shot two different things, right?
All right. OK.
You're doing so 60.
16 to the one in front of me.
Five to the other one.
The one in front of you.
What color is your Eldris Blast like black or blue?
Or does it have an energy streak?
I'm thinking like yellowy.
No, because that's more lightning.
No, it's not like P. It's pink.
OK. Oh, all right.
I like it.
It fills the armor with this crackling energy,
but still remains standing.
However, your other one that shoots over the one in front of Flint
does the same filling of the armor
and then explodes it outwards and flying from it.
You see a bloodstone
that bounces off the wall and towards the exit onto the ground.
Flamikins Kins is up and she feels invigorated
and shoots her light crossbow down
and at the thing with advantage, because I want to end this.
20.
It must be nice being the DMC deep into its chest plate
and the residual energy
and this new bolt that's entered explodes the armor
and it falls to the ground.
And you are in a room of even more mayhem
and chaos of armor and weapons on the ground and a bloodstone
right by the door.
Shall we leave and I continue your session toward the exit?
Yeah, we've been nothing but straight strutting.
Right. Fucking baller this episode.
We came in with confidence and I think that was our problem
in our last one. Remember last one, we just sat there like,
is he going to talk or should we talk?
Oh, no, there's no talking.
Do you know why? There's only murder.
It makes perfect sense because we are socially awkward as fuck.
So in this room where it is just animated suits of armor,
we're killing it when we thought we had to interact with a human being
in a social situation that we did not understand in a pagoda.
We all just fucking froze.
Yeah, it's so it's so on brand.
I like it is so perfectly on brand.
I love it.
Yeah, Flint, the end, Nulara take Manhattan is going to be
just an awkward of down the street with people touching us,
trying to get a hot dog from a stand.
Small talk is happening.
Oh, small talk.
The most feared enemy.
All right. So you pick up the bloodstone and you leave the room. Yeah. Yeah.
OK. It's a DTFO age.
You head out of this room and enter back into the winding maze
where there are hedges and there's you look to one side and you see the tower
and you look to the other side and the towers there as well.
And then it's gone and you enter back into the sundial room
where the shadows are pointed at a D and F.
Does anyone else not fucking care about the update
of where the shadows are pointed?
Well, I don't understand what they mean.
So I'm choosing just to like pretend it doesn't exist.
Yeah, I stopped caring.
I'm like, hmm. OK, so we have.
I can't wait for us to like finally get through all these fucking things.
And Russell be like, oh, you just had to do this
and you would have been through it in no time.
And I'll be like, I quitting the podcast.
It's over. Why don't you guys go fucking alphabetical?
Like, why don't you go alphabetical, you guys?
Come on. Systematic.
We went to A first and it didn't work.
So that's how far we've tried.
It's true. A.
And then we're like, no, fuck it, we're going to go to C.
No, fuck it. We're going to go to H.
Let's go to E.
I point and I say, I got a good feeling about this one, you guys.
I'm all like, I'm all, you know, like stony and shit.
Yeah, let's keep that confidence going.
I like it. Mm hmm.
I strut in, but I let others go first because I'll strut ahead of you.
Yeah. Yeah. Did you say push my luck?
I said E.
Though we haven't been down D yet, but I mean.
OK, so you go down E and it's another quick trip
and it takes no more than about 20 seconds.
And you end up back in the sundial room
where the shadows are pointed to B, D, F and H.
And as you begin to examine, go for it.
Nothing. I keep trying to spell words
and all I can come up with is me insulting things.
Big, dumb fuckheads.
That's a restless spelling for us.
Well, that story checks out.
I mean, we've been in this maze for like six fucking episodes.
It's been a long time.
We live here now.
God. OK, sorry, Russ.
OK, as you begin to examine the room again and the shadows,
the shadows start slowly rotating around the face of the sundial.
Spinning faster and faster,
becoming shorter and shorter until they shrink into the gnomon.
And the sundial shows no shadow at all.
Guys, I want to fucking destroy the sundial.
Can we put all the gems on the sundial?
I suggest we do one of those before we do the other.
There is a there's a strict order of operations going on here.
Roll for initiative to find out who strikes first.
Oh, boy.
Sorry, did you have an idea?
Maybe we should we could put all the gems on the sundial.
Maybe that might trigger something or open something.
I don't know.
It's it's worth a shot.
Like, what do we got to lose?
I walk forward and I think I have the deed and the topaz
and I put them on the.
I'm not sure we really specified who I sometimes we've specified
who's picked up what and sometimes we haven't.
Let's just say we just put them all on there.
Let's just say all of them all on the sundial.
You reach at the exact same time and your precision is accurate
and they all fall through and disappear.
Perfect. I turned to flint and I'm like, podcast over.
Bye, guys. Well,
mushroom cloud and just huge explosion.
Um, well, you know, um, I'm I I'm going to look at this
in a positive way.
Maybe this is where we are supposed to deposit the stones.
And when we've deposited enough stones, we can get out of this hellscape.
Wait, where did they go?
Exactly. Yeah. Exactly.
Fuck, haven't we been walking through fucking portals
this whole goddamn time?
Really? You don't think there's a fucking portal that they just went through?
I I look at her and then I try to I stand on the no man.
You begin to climb up onto the sundial and Thea disappears.
Oh, my God. Where do I where do I go?
Where do I see? What do I see?
So you guys hate this so much disappear.
I'm kind of mad.
I have some rage.
It's not good because I've rage and I've rum.
Thea, you fall harmlessly from the sky.
It appears back into the sundial room.
And you see shadows pointed at every single exit.
Back to everybody else.
Hello. Well, I can't do that, too, because it's fucking action.
It's leaving this fucking room. Let's get in there.
Nulara, followed by Flamikins Kins and Thaddeus is like,
well, are we doing this, bud? Yep.
So mad.
I don't understand why you're so mad.
Thaddeus crawls in and Flint crawls in and everybody falls
harmlessly back into the sundial room where the shadows are pointed
at every single exit A through H.
Is the to see we didn't lose you like your owl.
What I said, nice to see that we didn't lose you like your owl.
That's a super insensitive thing to say, Flamikins Kins.
Watch your mouth before you open it.
Goblin and I used to be a pirate.
I am a pirate.
OK, what's next, guys?
I'm in a punter.
And maybe you can find my owl when you disappear up above these hedges.
Maybe I can.
It's going to be quite the punch.
I do like one of these that are I like go towards.
These two have been really scrapping this up.
It's really scrappy.
Do you guys think we should go back
in the way we came through the maze or.
Go back on the sundial and see if you can go back to the other.
Oh, my God, just to tell you.
So because so in in game, you don't know which way is which.
Yeah, there's no real clear direction where we see the tower.
I mean, you can see the tower.
It's pointed in any direction, but in game, you don't know
which direction that is.
Yeah, you know that shadows are pointed at every single one.
You know, you just fell from the sky.
You don't know.
Are our stones everywhere?
You yeah, the stones are scattered on the ground.
I pick up the stones. Sure.
Because you never know. You never know.
I say we just pick any exit.
Agree. Since they're all lit up.
Let's do it.
Can we pick the exit that is D?
Sure. Or like whatever would be in that direction.
Begin walking into one of the corners of the room
and you walk down the maze for another half a minute or so.
And the curving path you follow suddenly twists
to reveal a proper maze cut out of the surrounding hedges.
Moments later, you hear the pounding of hooves ring out.
And ahead of you,
rounding the corner and charging towards you
is a massive stone Gorgon
who charges out of the greenery towards you.
Hi.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io.
I love you. I love you, too.
Oh, you said it like much more sincerely.
You know, you said it really like.
God, way to make me feel real shitty with the words, I love you.
As only some only married couples can do.
All right.
Man, how many new podcasts do we have?
I don't know. None, because nobody's jumping on these ideas.
But I really think the awesome powers once you get come on, it's podcast, baby.
Yeah. It needs to happen.
Sorry, three damage to me.
No, she didn't shoot you.
She thought the shot the arm.
That was Flamikinskins defending you.
Well, I know, but Flamikinskins also dealt me one damage
because she bit me defending your arm.
She did. So true.
Can you guys hear me?
Because I can't hear you all of a sudden.
Yeah. Oh, no, I can't hear you.
Yeah, it just like went real quiet for a second.
Oh, we were all real quiet.
You were just we were just on the edge of our seats.
Try to read his breath weapon.
I mean, will he won't do he won't.
Sorry, I was somebody texted in the group chat, so I want to see what it was.
But then I forgot that this was right after me.
And I just rolled the wrong dice. Hang on.
Your business won't show up in your group chat. Oh.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons production.